I want to say I am back after a long hiatus, but I don't know if I am... This is an interesting predicament I am going to share with everyone out there...
The boyfriend I referenced so many times in my blog and I broke up two years ago. We had been together for a long time, so the change in my life was drastic. Basically, I've been grieving since... Ridiculous, I know...
One of the strange side effects of this life change is that I cannot make miniatures. This hobby has always been mine. I've loved little things since I was a toddler. I've been making miniatures since I was a kid. He and I were both makers, so he would make things and I would help. I would make things, and he would help. Many, many times I would want to make something, but couldn't figure out how to get the precise result I was looking for, and he would have a solution or help me make a jig or do a test... Maybe this connected him too much to my hobby and I can't separate it now...? I really don't know. Another theory is that I'm punishing myself somehow by not allowing myself to do something I love. I don't know why this has happened, but this is my situation now.
I still love miniatures. I actually live in a one-bedroom apartment now. I sleep in the living room and have made the bedroom my studio. I have not used it for two years. I have lots of supplies, a couple of unfinished dollhouses, and a beautiful display case full of the treasures I've collected and made for over 30 years. I pin miniatures constantly on Pinterest. I've even bought miniatures and supplies over the past two years, but I can't seem to get over this block. I do a lot of standing and looking at my miniatures or my stock of supplies... You'd think I could just force myself...just sit down and make a damn flower...but I can't.
I hope this block goes away some time. I am optimistic that it will, but for now, I am stuck in the same place. If any of you out there have dealt with something similar or have some ideas, please share. I'm looking for answers. I am looking for solutions. I am looking for a making buddie. Any help you amazing people out there can provide would be greatly appreciated.
I hope this wasn't too much of a downer...
L.
Hello sweety, it isn't ridiculous at all to react to the breakdown of a relationship and mourn it as a death. It's actually, completely normal and the way our minds resolve the changes we're experiencing. No doubt you are spending an awful lot of brain power questioning why the relationship didn't work...probably blaming yourself and feeling pretty low. That amount of self reflection doesn't leave a lot of room for anything else. Your brain, (which is a pretty fantastic thing), uses the energy that's left to get you to do the basics such as eat and sleep. (that's why people suffering a traumatic event often describe living on autopilot)
ReplyDeleteBelieve me it will pass - I've been there and came through it. When you accept that the relationship didn't work just because you two didn't fit together and not because you did something wrong, then you will be able to move forward. When that happens you will find you spend less time blaming and more time filling your day with things that make you happy. I'm so sorry you have to go though it but you will. Promise. *Huge Hug* =0)
Thank you, Pepper, for taking the time to share your wisdom. Maybe because I haven't really talked about this to other people has kept me in my own head. What you have said has really helped. I need other perspectives. I'm not making miniatures yet, but knowing that a few people in blogger land are paying attention makes me want to make things to post and share.
DeleteYes, you are still mourning, and that is a kind of "depression".... and depression and creativity are death to each other. I hope your creativity will overcome the depression part... sometimes it works to go to the opposite extreme and make things very large... Like painting huge flowers on your walls... or Sky pictures... something to move the energy and stir it up. I know, probably not helpful, but everybody mourns differently... I hope you find your door back into your creative being!
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